My intention is to stay true to myself. No matter what others say I still happen to have an opinion of my own (isn't that weird!).
My mom would say that I have no feeling because I'm too rational and realistic but I wouldn't agree on this completely.
I'm not sure whether the above is relevant to what I'm about to write, but I'll write it anyway. Somehow I find myself often lonely when it comes to agreeing with anybody's understanding of life. I know, life is a too big of an issue but still. To me life should be simple. It is true that things seems to be complicated and tough but believe me I know what I'm talking about.
One thing's bothering me for quite some time now: Is it more painful for people to be abandoned or to leave everything and start fresh?
Maybe this doesn't seem clear but as I continue I'll try to go deeper about the matter.
Kid #1
You are a kid. It's war in your country. Bad things are happening. People are being hurt. Your neighbor is acting weird. People are worried. It seems that you are not safe and for the first time in your life you hear a sound of a warning each second louder than the one before. Still you are a kid, you wanna play but all of a sudden you can't because it's dangerous, you cannot be outside in the field. Your parents are your best friends and now you are facing the fact they too can be hurt. All of a sudden you are a grown up person inside the body of a child. You didn't ask for it but it's here, it is who you are now. Somehow there is no childhood any more and yet you have to fight for the one you love by loving them even more. Now, some of your friends are already gone, went away, you don't know it's just that you don't see them anymore. Somebody somewhere started all this and you are not sure why. You just pray for the end, to be over once and for all. You are at the same place, in the same house but things are different. Everything seems poor and still precious to be left behind. It's far from good but somehow you learn to live with it. You learn how to behave. You don't see a way out but you know it's there, this state is not natural therefore it cannot exist for a long time as such. You knew that still you didn't knew how it feels like to go to school on a sunny day without thinking are you going to come home that day at all or is this the last time you saw your parent.
Kid #2
I have left all my friends. My toys are serving somebody else now! I hate my parents, they decided to leave our house and I do not understand why! Yes it is a war even though I do not understand what that word really means except for I needed to stay inside a house couple of days. My parent didn't tell us we're about to leave, I would have say goodby to my friend if I knew. Seems like nobody knew. My mom is crying, it's the first time I see my father cry. It weird. We travel at night. People all over running like crazy over borders and yet we hardly manage to cross. We changed at least five different vehicles and took us three days to get to safe side as they say. Finally, when we reached our destination, nobody knew how to act, what to feel, where to go. We saw places we never saw before, we hear language so strange to our ears. Is this a vacation, when are we going back, I ask. No answer. My parent are numb, remote. I feel lonely. Somebody saying my name, asking if I'm hungry. I am, I don't know... where am I? They should have stayed there, I don't believe my friends left anywhere. I'm so angry I could scream, instead I'm sneaking into bathroom and I bite myself so hard just to prove myself something can hurt even more, I was wrong. No I don't appreciate I'm here even though some family members saying I should, I'm going to get use to this, they say. It's not my will to be here, I was forced into this. Do my parent even care what I think or they don't even take notes of me, I wonder.
............................................................................................................................
Can you now see the difference? Is it any clearer after reading those two stories?
Who suffer more? Is it fair to ask these questions?
To be left or to leave?
I need more opinions otherwise I will be trap.
............................................................................................................................
My mom would say that I have no feeling because I'm too rational and realistic but I wouldn't agree on this completely.
I'm not sure whether the above is relevant to what I'm about to write, but I'll write it anyway. Somehow I find myself often lonely when it comes to agreeing with anybody's understanding of life. I know, life is a too big of an issue but still. To me life should be simple. It is true that things seems to be complicated and tough but believe me I know what I'm talking about.
One thing's bothering me for quite some time now: Is it more painful for people to be abandoned or to leave everything and start fresh?
Maybe this doesn't seem clear but as I continue I'll try to go deeper about the matter.
Kid #1
You are a kid. It's war in your country. Bad things are happening. People are being hurt. Your neighbor is acting weird. People are worried. It seems that you are not safe and for the first time in your life you hear a sound of a warning each second louder than the one before. Still you are a kid, you wanna play but all of a sudden you can't because it's dangerous, you cannot be outside in the field. Your parents are your best friends and now you are facing the fact they too can be hurt. All of a sudden you are a grown up person inside the body of a child. You didn't ask for it but it's here, it is who you are now. Somehow there is no childhood any more and yet you have to fight for the one you love by loving them even more. Now, some of your friends are already gone, went away, you don't know it's just that you don't see them anymore. Somebody somewhere started all this and you are not sure why. You just pray for the end, to be over once and for all. You are at the same place, in the same house but things are different. Everything seems poor and still precious to be left behind. It's far from good but somehow you learn to live with it. You learn how to behave. You don't see a way out but you know it's there, this state is not natural therefore it cannot exist for a long time as such. You knew that still you didn't knew how it feels like to go to school on a sunny day without thinking are you going to come home that day at all or is this the last time you saw your parent.
Kid #2
I have left all my friends. My toys are serving somebody else now! I hate my parents, they decided to leave our house and I do not understand why! Yes it is a war even though I do not understand what that word really means except for I needed to stay inside a house couple of days. My parent didn't tell us we're about to leave, I would have say goodby to my friend if I knew. Seems like nobody knew. My mom is crying, it's the first time I see my father cry. It weird. We travel at night. People all over running like crazy over borders and yet we hardly manage to cross. We changed at least five different vehicles and took us three days to get to safe side as they say. Finally, when we reached our destination, nobody knew how to act, what to feel, where to go. We saw places we never saw before, we hear language so strange to our ears. Is this a vacation, when are we going back, I ask. No answer. My parent are numb, remote. I feel lonely. Somebody saying my name, asking if I'm hungry. I am, I don't know... where am I? They should have stayed there, I don't believe my friends left anywhere. I'm so angry I could scream, instead I'm sneaking into bathroom and I bite myself so hard just to prove myself something can hurt even more, I was wrong. No I don't appreciate I'm here even though some family members saying I should, I'm going to get use to this, they say. It's not my will to be here, I was forced into this. Do my parent even care what I think or they don't even take notes of me, I wonder.
............................................................................................................................
Can you now see the difference? Is it any clearer after reading those two stories?
Who suffer more? Is it fair to ask these questions?
To be left or to leave?
I need more opinions otherwise I will be trap.
............................................................................................................................
Dead can dance, video
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